It's Not Something to Celebrate

For the last week, I've been avoiding something: looking at last year's calendar.  I broke down today and confirmed the anniversary I had been trying to forget.

Last year, on Tuesday, October 18, a doctor told me and Geoff that I have Stage IV Invasive Ductal Breast Cancer.  Later that day, I told my parents, my boss and our little girl.  It wasn't as hard as you would think.  We knew it was coming, most of the crying was done.  The meeting with the doctor just made it real. He had the biopsy results. 

To this day, I still have trouble believing it.  I keep thinking there must have been some kind of mistake or misunderstanding.  I can't have cancer.  I can't be dying.  Then I remind myself that they did the biopsy... on my breast... and it was cancerous.  I have breast cancer.

I suppose the upside of living a year with advanced breast cancer is that you lived for a year.

But it's still not an anniversary I celebrate.

P.S.  I can't close without taking a moment to recognize all the support we have received in the last year from friends, family, neighbours, Transport Canada, Lena's school, Mom and Dad's church, and of course the hospital and community care workers.  Last October 18, I was very sick and very scared, and by the time chemo started at the end of the month, very overwhelmed.  I don't know what Geoff and I would have done without that support.  I just don't know.  Thank you.